Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #9 - Dragon


DRAGON
Adult Fantasy
72,000 Words

Query:
The mighty dragons who have defended Kalon for centuries are dying, victims of merciless attacks by a foreign dragon clan. The dragon council is desperate to find a replacement for the females they have lost. Maayin is their last hope, never mind she has lived under the assumption that she is human for eighteen.

Taken from her home, told she is a dragon, Maayin is unwilling to trust anyone but Jaimin, her young tutor. He has his own reservations about keeping her imprisoned in all but name and promises to take her back home if she can prove she is human and of no use to the council's schemes of using her to keep the species viable.

Her struggle to accept the truth of being a dragon brings her dangerously closer to Jaimin. She doesn't know that her tutor is keeping her from an elder dragon who is more than willing to destroy Maayin's spirit in favour of obeying the council's plans. Nor is she aware that her growing feelings for Jaimin go against the ancient law forbidding them from being together.

When Maayin at last learns of the council's plan, she flees and falls right into the grasp of the murderous dragon clan. There she discovers other females, kept captive until they are too old to reproduce and save their species. That same fate will become hers is she does not escape. But freedom will mean returning to face the council's plan and the dragon they've chosen for her. Unless she can convince Jaimin, and the council, that he can be her mate.

First 150 Words:
Maay hummed as she worked the old loom, the dull clack of wood a lullaby to her ears. Sunlight blazed into the solarium, its normally stifling heat cooled every so often by a gust coming through the open windows.  She cocked her head to the sound of footsteps echoing from down the hall. Men. It had to be, for their boots hit the stone with such a racket and the occasional, punctuating clink of metal.
Frowning at the woven threads before her, she idly looped another through the strands. It sounded like guards. What would they be doing here? Not many men came to this quarter of the castle, mostly servants with their soft shoes and the irritating habit of blending into the background.
She glanced over her shoulder, perusing the room. Her gaze settled on the plants that separated the solarium from the other rooms and screened the bulk of the sunlight from those entering.

8 comments:

  1. Gorgeous first 150 - really lovely writing. Your query is a bit long - maybe tighten a bit? Also is she a dragon in human form?

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  2. I agree with Jaye, it is lovely writing!! Good luck :)

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    1. Thank you, but I don't have much hope for it this time.

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    2. oh I know how you feel :( seeing all the votes going out, I'm quickly losing hope as well. Nonetheless I am happy for all those who are doing well :)

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    3. As long as one fantasy or science fiction gets through, I don't mind.

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  3. Your first 150 is great - evocative, tight, hinting at tension.

    IMO, it's not your writing that's giving judges pause. It's your premise and that wordy query. Dragons are a bit like angels/vampires/werewolves in the market right now: a tough sell for a debut. Are you working on something else? I hope so, bc I think you have promise.

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    Replies
    1. Whenever am I not 'working on something else'? ^_^
      I have a handful WiPs on the back burner, right now I'm in the middle of writing Dark One's Mistress (which I swear has a vein of Beauty and the Beast in there, so I should hit the fairytale trend right at the end too :p) That could go either NA or Adult.

      And there's my 'baby' which I've had plenty of people (including one indie pub) say is good, but at 191k I know it's way too big for a debut, so don't bother with trying to get published at this moment.

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