Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #7 - A Scarred Mind



A SCARRED MIND
Thriller
95000 words
Query:
Jake Murphy is forced to emerge from the psychic closet when he has a premonition of a stranger’s brutal stabbing death. Gifted since childhood, Jake has always “known” things, like who would win the latest dating reality show, but he has never communed with the dead. Now that he must delve into the mind of a sadistic murderer, crystal ball jokes are the least of his worries.
Jake catches only a glimpse of the killer in his vision, but the jagged scar on the man’s right cheek is enough of an identifier to convince two detectives to check it out. Although content to let the cops handle it from there, Jake’s work is not done. His visions become more intense, warning him that the scarred man intends to kill again. And even though he would rather not believe it, Jake holds the key to stopping the murders.
First 150:
When Jake brushed the bank teller’s hand and foresaw her death, Tuesday instantly became a bad day.
“Oh shit,” he blurted out.
The teller paused in the process of counting out the bills from the check Jake was cashing. With a raised eyebrow, she said, “Excuse me?”
Jake opened his mouth in an attempt to explain but the words caught in his throat. What was he supposed to say? Certainly not “I’m sorry for my profanity, ma’am. I just had a vision in which you were viciously murdered by a scarred dude with a butcher knife.”
His mouth still hanging open, Jake’s gaze drifted to the attractive brunette’s nametag. He found himself staring at the name engraved in gold: Stephanie. Jake wondered if Stephanie had children. He kind of hoped not. But she was obviously married, judging by the ginormous rock on her ring finger. Sarah certainly didn’t have a diamond that big. 

10 comments:

  1. I love the voice in your first 150 - and the first line is awesome! I was totally hooked. Great job!

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  2. I love this! I think you've done an incredible job in the first 150 of grabbing the reader and making them want more. :)

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  3. Wow, your beginning pulls me in. I'd like to read on. Awesome.

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  4. Nice!! I love the first sentence. :) And the last gives us a clue into his personal life, which is a big bonus. Good luck!!

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  5. Very interesting. I'd keep reading.
    -L (Jane Doe)

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  6. Cool. Interestingly enough, my mother wrote a book called "Coming Out of Your Psychic Closet." Ha! I'd read on. Love psychic stuff.

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    1. That is beyond awesome! I love psychic stuff, too, obviously ;) Would love to read your mom's book! Is it self-help, one of those that says everyone is psychic? Because I've always believed that. ;)

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    2. http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Your-Psychic-Closet/dp/0962653160

      Here's the link :0).

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  7. I like this one, you've got me wanting to read more. I hope not only that you get agents to look at it, but that you get some requests as well. Good luck :)

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  8. Thanks everyone for your kind comments. :) I'm really glad y'all seem to like it & I hope you all get to read it someday!

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Hey, do you ever wonder why they call it 'your two cents?'