Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #40 - The Princess Paradox


THE PRINCESS PARADOX
Lighthearted Women's Fiction
90,000 words
Query:
Locked away in a self-imposed dungeon slogging through life in her coffee shop, twenty-five-year-old Nora Roseberry has written off the probability that Prince Charming will come rescue her. But fate is about to step in and offer this damsel in distress a chance at happy-ever-after.

When roguish Aidan O'Neill comes-a-courtin' in response to a “looking for love” ad Nora places in the newspaper, she's shocked (but a teensy bit flattered). Aidan's not the kind of prince who needs relationship help--evidenced by the sheer volume of maidens that cross his threshold. Besides, he doesn't go for women like her. He dates knockouts. Uncomfortable with his flirting and confused by her own foolish desire, Nora's almost relieved when Aidan reveals he answered the ad for his equally handsome brother Finn.

She quickly finds out Finn is everything fairy tales promised and more. Romantic, sincere, and ready to commit, he soon proposes--just when Aidan seems to have decided to change his ways and pursue Nora himself. But it's too late. Nora's the blissful princess being carried away by her handsome hero. With a wedding looming, a caustic-mother-to-be waiting to rip her to shreds, and a night with Aidan sprinkled with moonlight and magic, she needs to make a choice. And it will risk everything she's worked so hard to make fairy tale perfect.

First 150:
I wish I had the guts to tell my best friend I'd rather gouge out my eyes with a cocktail weenie than attend her wedding. Weddings, by nature, raise numerous questions if you’re single. People you don’t even know approach you as if it’s open season on any insensitive question they can muster. Are you involved? Did you just break up with someone? Are you a lesbian?

My answer to all of these is an emphatic "no." But explaining my feelings to Jillian, well, that just makes her hook me up with someone even more. Which is why I'm sitting here in dressing room I-lost-count, watching her zip up a beautiful Marchesa bridal gown, dreading this whole experience. I know exactly how today will end. 

"Ohmigod, Nora. Look at me."  

"You look…" I nodded, "breathtaking. Really." 

"I do, don’t I?" she tittered.

"You do." 

24 comments:

  1. Great premise. I'm interested to see how Nora goes from dreading weddings to engaged. I would love to read more. The first 150 drew me in & I can identify as a happily single woman. Sigh. Good luck!

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  2. This sounds much stronger than the last time I read the query! Great job!

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  3. Good guy versus roguish guy - is there ever really a choice? Sounds fun!

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  4. I loved this so much in Pitch Madness I snatched it from the slush pile, lol.

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  5. I love this version of the query...it's got such great voice and quirk! Good luck, you ^^

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  6. Love the fun concept -- and the voice. Sounds like something I'd love to read.

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  7. This is so much fun! And there's a very seductive bit of snark in your MC's voice that I LOVE. Good luck! :)

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  8. I love the voice in this and would definitely read on to see what happens to the MC!

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  9. This is perfect romcom material.
    You have my vote.

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  10. The voice is wonderful here. There's a lovely wry playfulness that's at once confident and vulnerable. I've read the query three times now to try to discern exactly how you did it. Hmmm... Well, I'm off to read it a fourth...

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  11. You have a great voice here & I would love to read more!! I'm so happy to see other women's fiction writers :)

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  12. I absolutely love the MC's spunk and personality...they come shining through. I definitely want to get to know the two guys better (why do I never meet someone I actually describe as a rogue? I WANT TO! lol) I want to read more!!

    Super job!!

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  13. Great voice. You've got my vote!

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  14. Love this - want this - when will it be on my bookstore's shelf??

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  15. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 2:53 PM

    To be honest, I'm not crazy about the idea of this woman waiting around for Prince Charming to come rescue her. I know it's supposed to be a fairy tale fantasy, but I'd much rather she take ownership of her own life and happiness. But that's just my opinion, and you've got two votes already :) Good luck!

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    1. Ahhhh...but then I guarantee you'd like how it unfolds. ;) Thanks for the feedback though. :)

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  16. Love the query. If I had a suggestion for the 150, it would be to use the word 'eager' in the second paragraph, second sentence. It's a little awkward as is.

    ... well,that just makes her more eager to hook me up with someone.

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    1. Yep. Somehow a word was deleted...my fault, not Deana or Jaye. :)

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  17. Fantastic query... just makes me want to read more. I love the fun, quirky writing style and can't wait to read the entire book!

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  18. I love how your query turned out =).

    I agree with Michelle's comment. The 150 start in a good place and it's fun seeing Nora's thoughts on the subject. Good job!

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  19. I love the first 150; definitely pulls the reader right in. I like the query a lot, too, although this part tripped me up a bit:
    "Romantic, sincere, and ready to commit, he soon proposes--just when Aidan seems to have decided to change his ways and pursue Nora himself. But it's too late." If it's too late, then it's too late; that implies there's no decision left to be made. I don't think the "It's too late" is necessary and trips up the progression a bit. Not that you need this advice since you have votes already, but if they allow you to make changes before the final round, it's just a thought. Good luck!

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  20. Yes, yes, yes!

    You had me at cocktail weenie.

    Vote coming your way!

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Hey, do you ever wonder why they call it 'your two cents?'