Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #34 - With a Shake of Her Hair


WITH A SHAKE OF HER HAIR

Women's Fiction/Contemporary Romance
81,000

QUERY

Ellie Donahue is drowning in Suburbia. She's driving a beige mini-van and wondering where the twenty-year-old version of herself disappeared to. The version that didn’t give a crap about high-fructose corn syrup and thought ramen noodles and beer was a balanced dinner. 

Stuck in a predictable rut of routine Sunday night sex and Thursday night chicken, Ellie’s biggest concerns are running into meddlesome Sancti-mommies at the grocery store, or being forced by her nudist mother-in-law to listen to an AC/DC cover by her band, ‘The Noody Blues’ and trying to ignore the fact that they are indeed naked while singing it.

When confronted by her husband's infidelity with a coworker, Ellie is forced out of her rut and into a reality where she is torn between the temptation of an affair of her own with her daughter's delicious soccer coach or fighting for her rapidly crumbling marriage. With her life upside down, Ellie struggles to determine her next step, and finds herself longing for the predictability of Thursday night chicken.

FIRST 150 WORDS

Chapter 1

I am still picking crumbs out of my hair.

I cannot believe that just happened.

I had completely forgotten I was supposed to go into Abigail’s class this morning to pick up our “Summer Activities” packets. I mean, how many summer activities can a Kindergartener have that we need actual packets? Of course, as I had spaced this requirement, when Crystal Brubaker flagged me down as I was pulling away from the drop off, the image of a reminder printed on frighteningly bright green paper flashed into my brain.

Looking down at the stained sweatpants I had thrown on in a rush to get both kids to school on time, my first instinct was to pretend I hadn’t seen her and run like the coward I am. Just as I was about to lay some serious rubber, I heard the memory of Abby’s enthusiastic little voice squealing about soccer camp starting soon after the school year ended. 

22 comments:

  1. Enjoyable read. I loved it

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  2. Looks like something I would read

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  3. So relatable! I bet it is something I would read :)

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  4. Great premise & relatable to many married women, I'm sure. The first 150 rock. Good luck! :)

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  5. Oh, that old predictable routine. :0) - Sounds fun! I'm sure it's funny ;0)

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  6. Very well done. Love the spunk it has. :) Kudos.

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  7. Read this. I laughed so hard in the first three chapters I thought I was going to end up dying from it. There were definitely tears, and a lack of breathing. SO FUNNY. And REAL. Seriously, just an amazing read.

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  8. I love the voice! It draws the reader right in!

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  9. Dammit- when is someone going to host a contest where we get to critique the whole MS? Cuz I'd be taking this one to bed with me!

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  10. Sounds really fun! (And a lot like me. Except the nudist mother-in-law.) I'd love to read the whole thing!

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  11. I love the voice in this. The character is quirky and hilarious and I would read it in a heart beat (even though I've been luck enough to read it once all ready), which is saying something because I rarely like this genre. Good luck!!

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  12. I agree with everyone else, lol. This was a fun, lighthearted read. You had me laughing all the way through. I wish I had more, sigh.

    You have my vote.

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  13. Totally have my vote!

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  14. I'd like to see the next 150 words. You've got my vote.

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  15. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 1:18 PM

    This is well written and definitely relatable.

    As a nitpick, the entire second paragraph of your query is one sentence. But I'm not even sure if I should advise you to break it up or not since it was a fun sentence to read lol.

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  16. I just love this premise! I think I had the same morning today *looks down at stained sweats and scratches at messy bun*. The voice just drips in the query and the first pages. I want to read this NOW! Good luck!

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  17. I only wish Saturday sex was a guarantee! TMI? Oh well.

    Oh, and you have my vote. Great job!

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Hey, do you ever wonder why they call it 'your two cents?'