Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #29 - Sylvan Legacy


Sylvan Legacy
Historical Romance w/ Paranormal Elements
76,000

Query:


In Regency era London, where the smallest faux pas can cause irreparable scandal, half-elven Katherine Sinclair has more to hide than anyone else; especially when drawing notice by the wrong people can get her killed.

With the ability to harness the power of nature and even heal others, ruining her family’s good name isn’t the only thing she must guard against. According to her late mother’s enchanted journal, a secret brotherhood exists amongst members of elite society, some who even feed on the magic energy of others. When two suitors present themselves, Katherine is understandably suspicious. The Duke of Thornewood is as arrogant as he is darkly handsome, and the Earl of Byron is charming and the clear choice of her society-savvy grandmother, but Katherine fears her attraction and prejudice will lead her astray.

But Society intrigue can be just as threatening. Her grandmother has secrets of her own and is willing to force Katherine into an arrangement with a dangerous man to keep them hidden. Katherine never believes she’ll succeed—until Katherine heals one of her fellow debutantes after a riding accident, with the Duke of Thornewood as a witness. After such a catastrophic mistake, Katherine believes her reputation—and any chance at love—has been ruined for good. Such a misstep puts her at the mercy of not only her grandmother’s machinations, but the brotherhood who could drain her magic. Since Katherine's magic is irrevocably tied to the energy which keeps her heart beating, she risks death if caught.

First 150:
The horse's hooves thunder across the hillside, and my heart pounds with each bunching of his muscles. My hair breaks free of its pins, pale strands sweeping across my cheek. Though the wind breaks through the thin barrier of the breeches and tall boots borrowed from my brother’s wardrobe, the wide smile never leaves my face. Mild discomfort is a small price to pay for a ride unhindered by the thick skirts of my riding habit.

I glance at Robert, who is keeping easy pace with me.

"Careful, dear sister," Robert calls out, the wind snatching at his words, "I'm gaining on you."

I laugh. "Serenity will refuse to jump this next bank, just as she always does."

I press my booted heels to Orion’s sides, and a little thrill jolts through me as he charges forward. His excitement bubbles over my skin, making it hard to distinguish from my own.

7 comments:

  1. Love the 150 words. It doesn't get much better than an exciting horseback ride :)

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  2. I agree Rebecca, a thrill ride I can feel!

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  3. Love the premise! I have half elves too. :-) But they do different things.

    Something to look at: Have her be a bit self reflective at the start to introduce the character. For instance, you might put the line about Mild discomfort... as your beginning line, with perhaps, an added thought on *why* she felt the need to break free at this time. Hook us immediately with your character's personality by showing an opinion on something and draw us in.

    Fingers crossed for you!

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  4. I LOOOVE your 150!! Very nicely written. Best of luck :)

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  5. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    I think your query could be more concise. There's a bit too much going on with the suitors, the grandma, the brotherhood, maintaining her reputation and keeping her secret. But your 150 shows some strong writing and a good sense of place and time.

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  6. Just a thought. You could eliminate the last sentence entirely by adding, "drain her magic, and her life along with it." to the previous one.

    But otherwise it sounds really interesting! :D

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  7. Very nice and another one that I'd like to read.

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