Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #26 - Running Home


RUNNING HOME
Paranormal Thriller
80,000 words

Query:

Ellie Morgan has done a good job of forgetting the pains of her past and is not eager to disrupt her life.   Her vibrant friend, Kat, insists on dragging her to an event to introduce her to Chris Lynch, a too good to be true attorney that she has fallen for.  Here she meets the mesmerizing Nicholas French, who seems to know too much about her restless soul. 

Ellie soon finds that Lynch, Nicholas, and his brother Roman are dangerous company to keep.  These newcomers to this small New Hampshire town are vampires.

Nicholas gives Ellie the home she has longed for.  The cozy cabin in the middle of the woods that he shares with Roman is a safe haven for her.  The “brothers” treat her like family, and let her live as one of them, but their secrets make her wonder what her place is.  They show her a world where being Chosen can mean many things, not all of them good.  Nicholas insists she is meant for more than the life she has made for herself, and she suspects that he is right. 

This new life Ellie has found with Nicholas is separating her from Kat more and more.  When Chris and Kat become engaged, Ellie is sent into a tailspin trying to protect her friend from the monster she loves.  It becomes impossible as Kat severs ties with her long-time friend.  There is not much that Ellie won’t do to make her safe.  When Nicholas becomes the true threat to Kat’s life, Ellie realizes that part of the destiny that promises her greatness will also force her to destroy everything she holds dear.  Ellie drowns in trying to reconcile the otherworldly connection with the vampire who would make her a hero, and being forced to make unthinkable choices.     

RUNNING HOME is a paranormal thriller at 80,000 words.  


First 150 words.

“I don’t want to dress like a human cupcake,” I pulled my arm away from Kat as she veered me in the direction of Katrina’s Boutique
                       
“But Ellie, there’s a sweater sale.” Kat smiled, even as she pleaded. She was unaffected by the wind and snow we had to trudge through to navigate downtown Ossipee that day.

“I’ll be at--"

“Birch Tree.  I know.”  Widening her smile more, she fluttered away in a swish of lilac wool, sunset hair, and peony perfume.  She knew it wasn’t in season, but would never wear a different scent.

I shook off the biting cold, my boots pelting the floor with snow.  More wet clumps dropped from my hood, and I wiped sloppy, black strands of hair from my cheeks with mittened hands. 

The string of bells on the door caught my sleeve, making them jingle too long.  I felt loud, irritating the comfortable world around me that had been my go-to place since being an awkward teenager.  

4 comments:

  1. I can't wait to see where you go with this contest!

    Kristen

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  2. I love your first line! Really great dialogue and sets us up quickly with a good idea of who these characters are. Beautiful descriptions as well. Your query could be a bit more to the point, there is a bit of repetition, but I'm no expert on queries! GOOD LUCK!

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  3. Nice friendship in the opening scene. I agree that the query might be tightened a smidge. Good luck with GUTGAA!

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  4. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    I'd like to know how these vampires differ from other vampires. You never quite give us enough detail into what exactly the threat is. I like the idea of Ellie being faced with these really difficult choices, though, and the opening showcases her friendship with Kat really well.

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