Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #24 - Warder

Warder
Paranormal Romance
105,000

Query:

Mona Lisa Kubrek wants to work in the Buffalo enclave, despite the fact that at twenty-eight it's clear, although she has elf-blood, she'll never create spells. So when she's picked to train to maintain the wards that keep magic hidden and Folk safe she's thrilled. And it's great, until she barely evades a death spell, her teacher goes missing and an evil mage sends shifters under his control out to kill her. Life only gets more complicated when investigator Cart Dupree, a Were shifter, is called in to investigate some of the odd occurrences Mona's all too familiar with. Smart, sexy, and aggravating, the only explanation Mona has for her insane attraction to Cart is they are potential mates. That's not going to happen, not after finally finding a job, Warder, which perfectly fits her sense of responsibility to guard Folk and protect mortals.  

As Mona and Cart track down clues, wait to hear from her mentor and evade ever increasing attacks by Weres under the mage's control, they keep their distance.  And it's a good thing they have when Cart casually drops a bombshell; being a Warder is a lot more complicated than anyone thought to tell Mona. A bleak lifetime more complicated given she will have the sole responsibility of confining & guarding the elf filled with the evil of his generation, the goddess's way of keeping evil from other elves.  Mona's determined to shoulder her responsibilities as Warder although it's clear to her there's no room for Cart in her new life, despite the connection they've created and the signs they are meant to be together. Besides, as head of his den, Cart is tied to obligations and commitments back home, asking him to move to Buffalo is out of the question.

With the mage they are tracking possibly Mona's ward, Folk hierarchy in flux and legends coming to life, Mona and Cart don't have time to discuss the future. Before more lives are lost they need to find the mage, and the Weres he controls, so they can bind his magic and lock him away. For despite all the changes in her world, Mona has found her calling and will always be a Warder. Keeping Folk and mortals safe will be worth the sacrifice, even though she's now certain she and Cart are fated to be mates.

First 150 Words:

Mona felt like she’d been used like a hockey puck, her arms and legs battered and slapped by forces far greater than she. Which really sucked because someone was calling and to answer the phone she’d have to move from where she'd collapsed on the couch. But before she did more than straighten herself up, the ringing stopped.

Of course it had. Just after ten in the morning and today was already 'that kind of day.' She eyed her cell where it sat on the coffee table, debating if she should pick it up just in case. If the caller had been her boss he’d try again, although she hadn’t quite decided if she was speaking to him. If the caller was someone else, probably just as well she hadn’t answered. Mona wasn’t quite ready to talk to anyone after her brush with death this morning.

5 comments:

  1. Sounds like you've done some intense world building for this book! Good luck with GUTGAA!

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  2. I like the changes to the query - so interesting with the new bit about the elf who is evil incarnate each generation!

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  3. I like the writing in your 150, it makes me want to read on. Best of luck :)

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  4. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    I'm a huge fan of fully realized worlds, and it sounds like you've done some fantastic world-building. The opening of your query grabbed me, and I LOVE the idea of a Warder. But as I kept reading, the sheer volume of information lost me.

    You've got Mona evading a death spell, looking for her teacher, an evil mage sending shifters to kill her. Then you repeat it in the next paragraph with her and Cart tracking down clues, waiting to hear from her mentor (but I thought s/he was missing?) and evading more attacks by weres. And then in the next paragraph, they're tracking a mage who might be her ward, Folk hierarchy is in flux and legends are coming to life (this, unfortunately doesn't really mean anything b/c it has no context). And finally, you say they have to find the mage who controls the weres (what happened to finding her mentor?) so they can bind his magic and lock him away.

    A lot of that can be cut and condensed to cut to the heart of the issue, but I'm no longer sure what exactly that is. And that's unfortunate b/c this sounds like it could be such a rich and interesting world.

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  5. Thank you for pointing out how much duplicate information I have (and over all too much information!). I really do need to tighten this up. Working on it now!

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Hey, do you ever wonder why they call it 'your two cents?'