Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #19 - Remingtons Kill People

REMINGTONS KILL PEOPLE
MYSTERY
77,000

QUERY:


Mercy and Justice Givens, twin sisters and co-owners of the Givens Detective Agency, do not take murder cases. But the private detective business is having a dry spell, taxes are due in three days, and their bank balance is lower than a rattlesnake’s belly. Desperate times call for bad decisions, and the twins agree to take on an impossible case, trying to prove drug-addled debutante Genevieve Simmons didn’t stab her abusive boyfriend.  

Trapped by their own insolvency, but determined to wriggle out from under the contract and return the retainer, the twins grab at a “quick” embezzling case, hoping to find out who’s robbing Peter so they can pay off Paul.

Their hopes of a fast fee are crushed when someone parks a forklift on an accounting clerk’s head and dumps the body in the back of their truck. Caught in what seem like two separate murder cases, the twins are working double-time to keep out of the body count.

The real problem is that Mercy and Justice don’t know that the embezzler isn’t the one who wants them dead. Genevieve’s been framed, and the framer's hell-bent on making sure Justice and Mercy stay out of the picture. Mercy’s genius plus Justice’s thirty-eight may not be enough to survive a Machiavellian murderer pairing up with a panicky killer.  

First 150 Words:

The Givens Detective Agency does not handle murder cases. Therefore if a millionaire calls at two a.m. because his daughter is suspected of murder, the Givens Detective Agency answering service, which is to say me, will politely decline and go back to sleep. Neither murder cases nor millionaires pay promptly. But when the bank balance has been hovering around two digits for a month, taxes are due in three days, and he promises to have his personal assistant standing outside the police station with a check for a sizable retainer, I'll get my ass out of bed.

Texas Senator Bob Simmons, independently wealthy gentleman rancher with a herd of oil wells, swore he'd pay us whatever we thought was fair to prove his only child, Genevieve Simmons, didn’t kill her boyfriend Tyler Roxton at the Last Dance nightclub. It sounded like easy money from a panicked father, so I'd gotten dressed and sailed out the door with a smile.

13 comments:

  1. Ooo, this one sounds awesome! I love a good murder mystery with lots of different elements. Plus, sister-twins! <3

    Plus, I love your voice in that first paragraph.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I remember this one from the Pitch Polish & think you've done a great job of tightening up your query! The first 150 are still awesome :) Great job & good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I spent a lot of time reworking it this week. :D

      Delete
  3. I really like "Desperate times call for bad decisions". So true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. Wish I could have told myself that at 18. :>

      Delete
  4. I LOVE this entry.
    You have my vote!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This sounds like a whole lot of fun with tons of voice. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love this one, too! :D Great voice! I can't wait to read more. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think you've done a great job with revising your query, it's really well written. I like your 150 too. Best of luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 4:25 PM

    This seems to promise a great mystery and fantastic voice. Also love that it's about sisters. You've got my vote.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Really like the mc in your first 150, and the query is tight and I'm totally digging this.

    You have my vote!

    ReplyDelete

Hey, do you ever wonder why they call it 'your two cents?'