Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #17 - Fire's Kiss


Fire's Kiss
Adult fantasy romance
89,000

Query:

Being a half-demon isn't easy. Neither is being wooed by a mask-wearing warlord with vengeance on his mind.

Embyr tends her tavern and maintains her quiet life while keeping her dangerous parentage a secret until she's attacked by a hellhound and saved by one of the most feared men in history.

For the last eight hundred years, Romeo McLennon, the infamous leader of Death's Horsemen, has used his army to hunt the vampire who killed his wife. Long devoid of any emotion save hate, he's earned a reputation as a murderous madman. But in Embyr, he discovers something that could turn the tide of battle in his favor. Her control over fire can reduce an enemy to ash and her flippant disregard of him heats his blood in ways no one ever has. She's beautiful, powerful and completely different from her violence-loving brethren.

Embyr finds herself thrust into a war she wants no part of, targeted by a vicious vampire because of her cooperation with Romeo. As she tries to use her power over fire without letting the madness of her race overcome her, she also has to fight her attraction to a killer bent on her seduction.

First 150 Words:

Embyr looked around the tavern’s empty common room, at the vacant tables and neatly arranged chairs, lips pursed at the thought of yet another slow night. She turned back to the wash basin, running a wet cloth over the tankard with more force than was necessary.
“Death’s Horsemen are in town,” Katrina said from her spot at the bar.
The tankard slipped from Embyr's hand and fell back into the soapy water. Embyr frowned and pushed her sleeve higher, rooting around the wash basin. “That’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking,” Katrina said. “People say they’ve been seen in the streets at night.”
“People say a lot of things that aren't true.” She retrieved the tankard and dunked it in fresh water to rinse the soap away. “If the Horsemen were here, half the city would already be in flames.”
“I don’t see how you’d know way out here,” Kat snorted as she took a drink. “That’s why it’s slow tonight. People don’t want to venture too far from home.”

8 comments:

  1. Interesting, I'm usually not one for romance, but I'd definitely pick this up at the bookstore.

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    1. Thank you! Your comment just made my day!

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  2. Sounds like an interesting read. I'd buy !!!

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  3. I like the first line of your query but would like to see the mc right from the start. Aside from that, the query is intriguing but a bit long. I would like to see this more narrowly focused on the overall "thing" that happens to the mc. Do that and your writing can shine through.

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  4. Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment on my entry. I've worried before that the query was too long. I'll have to see about revising it so get to the point sooner. Again, thank you!

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  5. Lumpy Space PrincessSeptember 18, 2012 at 3:46 PM

    I really like your query, but I want more hints of their world, more about what makes it unique. I love that Romeo's group is called Death's Horsemen and I love that his name is Romeo :P I'm a little skeptical about a "murderous madman" as the potential love interest, but I'm intrigued by ambiguously (im)moral characters (so long as their evilness isn't portrayed as romantic or lovable, which doesn't appear to be the case here).

    I hope you can find a way to make your query stand out just that little bit more, b/c I think there's something here. You've got my vote.

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