Monday, September 17, 2012

GUTGAA Pitch Contest #10 - The Lokana Chronicles



The Lokana Chronicles
Adult Fantasy
100,000
 
Query:
 
When Vegin’s parents are murdered, he assumes his new role as king of Lokana.  With his beloved wife at his side, he fights to rid the kingdom of corruption and lead his people through the worst famine in Lokana’s history.  Just as they begin to make progress, a threat from the High Priest forces the queen to flee with her daughter in tow.
 
Left to rule Lokana alone, a devastated Vegin finds himself in a power struggle.  Locked in a bitter feud with the High Priest, tensions steadily worsen.  When Vegin’s daughter suddenly reappears fifteen years later, the situation explodes.  Civil war is imminent, and the king’s only hope of salvation lies with his daughter.  To save their kingdom, he needs her help to defeat the high priest.  But her help may not be enough.
 
First 150 Words:
 
Filthy peasants.  Can’t even get an honest day’s work out of them without them clamoring for lower taxes or more wages!  Tol closed his eyes in irritation.  “I’ve heard enough – if you can’t pay your taxes, then you’ll simply have to work off your debt.  Guards, take him away!”
 
“Father, I have this under control,” Vegin growled under his breath.  “You’re only supposed to observe, remember?”
 
“But your Highness, please!” the old farmer protested.  “My family – without me, they’ll starve!”
 
Tol stared at his son, disbelief etched on his face.  The nerve!  What does he think this is, an almshouse?  “I’ll deal with you in a moment,” he said, glaring daggers at Vegin, who rose from his seat and stormed out of the room.  “As for you,” he bellowed, returning his attention to the old farmer, “you should’ve thought of your family before you decided not to pay your taxes.”

4 comments:

  1. I remember this from the pitch polish and I LOVE the updated query. It seems so much stronger now. Definitely something I would read.

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  2. I agree, I love the updated query!!

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  3. Political intrigue is such a ripe story mine! Good luck with this!

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  4. Thanks, Brittany and Ellie! I'm glad you think so because I spent all Friday morning working on it and I wasn't feeling overly confident about that second paragraph.

    Jaye, thanks for the encouragement! :)

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